My Happy Place

I’m feeling SO productive right now. I just did 4 loads of laundry, cleaned out my closet boxing up winter clothes and donating clothes I don’t wear. Yay closet cleanup. Somethings that I’ve discovered: I have underwear to last me months; I have so many fun flats and I barely wear half of them; I have created a really wonderful collection of dresses; and even with all of the things I threw away, boxed up and donated, I still have tons of clothes!

I miss you so much. And you probably have no idea.

I wish you read this blog so you would know how often I think about you and dream about you.

It’s so hard dreaming of us being friends and going on adventures together and of your laugh.

I miss you so much.

Gaining weight means that your clothes don’t fit anymore. Losing weight means you’ll feel insecure about your clothes until they fit again. Ugh!

The feeling of “not good enough” never really goes away.

#sfroadtrip

We had so much fun (and are actually not even home yet). This trip has been one of celebration and relaxation and new memories. These girls were wonderful to travel with. We laughed so hard we cried, got lost in downtown San Francisco and ‘conquered’ the city.

Now I can say I’ve been and truly seen San Francisco. We spent lots of money on great food and shopping. And it was all worth it.

I feel like I truly embraced this trip and enjoyed every moment.

Megan: 1
Negativity, Satan, insecurities: 0

I won!

I have been an emotional roller coaster.

Not just today, or this week, but my whole life. My mom and sis have actually recently taken to calling me overly sensitive.

I hate it and like it simultaneously.

I try to embrace who I am and how God created me even if sometimes I’m crying in a ball on the floor. ;-)

But what I’ve begun to wonder is “What am I supposed to learn from this roller coaster?”

I haven’t really gotten very far but I’m praying and hoping God will reveal that to me.

In the meantime, I hope that I can appreciate the ups and downs. And I hope the downs are short and have great gaps between them.

And right now, I am elated. I am feeling productive and organized, inspired and confident, and just plain overjoyed and excited!

And I hope it stays a while, because it’s nice.

It’s be over a year and I am still struggling to let her go.  My heart breaks every time I see her, hear about her, or something reminds me of her.  I’m really truly trying to let go but it is so hard.  Everyday I struggle and I have a feeling I will feel this way for a very long time.

When you work for a church, your work week doesn’t start on Sunday. It starts Saturday night with prayer and preparation for the day ahead.

And when your work week starts on Saturday night, I don’t know when you start preparing. Saturday morning?

I LOVE MY BIRTHDAY!  I love celebrating and treats and friends!  And this year my birthday was more of a birthweek!

Friday/Saturday: Sleepover at my mom’s with her and Patty.  Played tons of games, ate yummy food, and laughed so hard I cried.

Monday: I had already started receiving text messages and Facebook posts saying Happy Birthday.  Then at Monday Night Dinner, Rikki C made a special birthday meal for me.  It was build your own pizza and salad!  So fun!  Then we had the most amazing lemon pudding with graham cracker like crust!  She is the best cook/baker!  And Kristy bought me a new yellow cardigan and blue printed flats!

Tuesday: Received more Happy Birthday messages and found out that my birthday present from Thomas and Kathy is a new patio for the Little House.  And it should be ready in time for warm weather!

Wednesday: My ACTUAL Birthday!  Stephanie brought me a sea salt caramel latte from Goodwins.  Yum!  Sara brought me a Coco’s Raspberry Chocolate Cream Pie amazingness.  Super Yum!  Then my sister visited with balloons and we went out to lunch.  Then Dan C took me out for more caffeine and bought me one of those writable mugs so that everyone in the office could write loving words and I could be reminded often of how much my coworkers love me.  And in the midst of all of this I received tons of messages of love.  My phone was blowing up.  Then for dinner, Thomas and I went to Olive Garden with Kyle and Tania and then we had a Creme de la Creme cake for dessert!  So stuffed of love and food.

Thursday: Found more balloons in my office from Dan C’s daughter who also celebrates her birthday on March 6th.  Stephanie and I went out to lunch at a new bistro.  And then I received a package!  From Brittany!  It was wonderful.  It was filled with office supplies and hair accessories and a tumblr and homemade cookies and a recipe book with some of her and her mom’s best recipes.  I cried.  I miss her so and this gift was extra special.  She knows me so well!

Friday: Lunch with Kathy and Cindy at Romano’s and plant shopping for the new patio.  And appetizers and dessert with Cat, Carrissa, Kristy, and Rikki at Cheesecake Factory.  So yummy and so fun!  And Rikki bought me The Help and made a cute keepsake box for me.

I’m feeling so incredibly loved and so incredibly blessed.

Hopefully I’ll remember to add some pictures soon.  :-)

I recently visited my own blog and realized a couple of things:

•I haven’t posted something here in awhile!
•My blog is entitled: ‘My Happy Place’ but the last few blog posts have been so depressing and sad.

So this is a new year and a new try.

Last year was difficult and seemed dismal but this year has hope and excitement and I want to reflect on those things, not the lame things.

Things I am grateful for in 2013:
•Wonderful friends who love and support me even through my flaws and my weaknesses, who encourage me and enjoy being with me, and who grow me and challenge me to be a better version of myself.
•My family, immediate and extended. I have a wonderful mother AND a wonderful mother in law. I have a sister who I can be the very silliest with and whom I cherish. I have grandparents who adore me and I adore. We have family dinners and spend holidays together. We go on vacations together and get along. It’s amazing.
•Our financial situation. God has blessed Thomas and I in incredible ways. We can tithe, save, pay bills and student loans and still have fun and enjoy life. We have prospects for a great future. And because of it all we have peace, a peace I have never known before.
•My husband who has been through the very thickest of it all with me and we have come out on top. He makes me laugh and smile and giggle. He hugs me and comforts me when I am a sobbing mess and encourages me to be the best me I can be.
•And of course, God. He is so great and so awesome. He has taught me so much in the last year and preparing me and growing me for the next stage. I am working towards learning what it means to be friends with God and it’s wonderful to be in that process and know that he will be faithful in my pursuit of him.

This is going to be a wonderful year. This already is a wonderful year.

I’d really like for this year to be over. 2012 has been the year of tears. I’ve cried at least once a day everyday this year. That’s a lot of crying induced migraines. And in addition my skin will not stop breaking out and I’ve gained 20 lbs.

I just want the holidays to be over so I can start a diet and fit in my clothes again. And will my face please calm down. And the crying, oh the crying. Please stop. I’m exhausted from crying.

2012, I had higher hopes for you. Maybe 2013 will be the year I thought you’d be.

justbesplendid:

vintage elegant

I ‘eat crow’ a lot.  I apologize a lot.  Many times for things that weren’t my fault.  And sometimes I feel like people don’t even hear me.  They tell me that I don’t apologize enough.  Is it because they aren’t listening or because I apologize for everyone else’s responsibilities and not my own?

[I don’t think the latter is true]

Sometimes, okay lots of times, I wish people would apologize for their own actions.  The things that they are obviously responsible for.  And quit telling me I don’t apologize enough.

Take the PLANK out of your own eye before pointing out the SPECK in mine.  Seriously.

Today is one of those days where I just give up and cry.

I know it’ll be okay.  But today, I cry.